The hardest thing in writing or in life is to continue moving even though you can’t. There are times you sit mired in the slough of the land, the politics, or the times. I wasn’t contemplating this morning about this but it hit me as my routine began. I began searching for that perfect job in education which doesn’t exist when I should realize that for now being an adjunct and a sub in the public school district is keeping me busy, making me more aware, and full filling the needs of our household at this time.

Then I googled a writer I follow and noticed that she is still writing about PTSD. It has been awhile and she was in for one enlistment but she has made a career out of writing about it. My husband is a long time veteran who was in the army for almost two decades. His stories of clan warfare, and his work as an analyst in the Army are impressive and true. I watch out of my office window and I see one of our neighbors who returned from a stint in the Army. I enjoy speaking with him but sometimes I wonder at how much he has changed. Moving on…as a writer, I know you have to move on. I have had a short story for 7 years, so finally I developed the story and rewrote, rewrote, rewrote sending it off to several publishers. I had one editor of a literary magazine interested in it but she told me it needed revising, so I sat down and revised, revised only to be informed by her that she would prefer to publish my poetry instead. So I have this story and I have finally accepted that I need to move on. I have revised, reworked, re-adjudicated every character and detail. Now it is time to move on.

I want to tell this writer I know it is time to move on but I won’t. She has to develop her talents elsewhere. I want for my husband to finish his thriller full of military details and spy stuff which I know after two decades he has knowledge of but I can’t push him. I think some people around me may suffer from PTSD but I only notice without acknowledging because there are some people out there who just continue despite trauma without complaining. They accept and do what needs to be done. I think my husband and maybe my next door neighbor after two tours is probably one of these folks.

And as for me, I just need to continue my life and accept what I can and let go of some fallacies. Maybe I will keep on that new track and learn some Spanish with my extra time instead of perusing social media where many people are still staying in the same old groove singing the same old songs.