I guess I am having some good old fashioned fun with this expression “down on the farm” to imply we are people easily led. Nothing could be further from the truth. About fifteen years ago, my husband was offered a potential job with homeland security. I was ecstatic about the prospect of work opportunities for myself with a degree in linguistics living in Washington, D.C. and the fantastic opportunity for Michael, a very good analyst with the Military. It fell through. I remember my anxiety as the interviewer asked probing questions about our past: would my time in Israel be badly perceived or what about all my friendships with people from foreign countries…going to a liberal university. In truth, it made no difference and all it did was increase my worry lines. Now, reading some of the scandals which permeated through the FBI, Homeland Security, and considering my husband’s health problems; we see it as a divine intervention. It was not meant to be. It is difficult for Michael to slow down which he has to because his health is not good, so we are going through some changes. Also, years later I realized that he is not a politician and even I am better at disguising the truth gracefully, if it needs to be said. He is also responsible for helping me speak up about the truth when it matters.

I have made some enemies or engaged in some hostility with some relatives who are supporters of Clinton, but I am not sorry. As is my typical response, I find I go the extra “foot” for them and they are not responding to me. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t. For years, I had a heavy Irish guilt that things were always a problem on my end. I think I accepted the responsibility was mine until I met my husband and he said, “Did you ever think it is on their end? You are not getting the job or she doesn’t call you…it is on their end…something is wrong with them.” No, so I have finally tried to release going the extra “foot” and moving on. I guess the best way to support my husband through this time is to encourage him to finish those projects including his book which I am convinced will be a “best seller” military intrigue with information from his years as an Analyst with the army. He has some great insight and is a more interesting writer than I am. I count those by the rejection slips I collect because people are not interested in the poetry or the weird short stories but rather the fast-paced spy novels reeking with danger and the insight the writer evokes for the reader. Michael has that knowledge and I see that.

So, losing a few family members is a bit of inner angst for me, yet I have made a new resolution: to stay off facebook more and stop dropping people as a hobby: try to find a few new friends to have a cup of coffee with. The other day, I dropped an old friend from Stony Brook because her posts were as if she had never left the Brook and never gained any insight beside one of the past. I accepted this friend completely at a time when she shared the truth with me. At a time, things like her experience were not discussed, yet she could not accept my husband and my political changes. I realized I was more open minded and accepting than she was willing to be. The same may be true of my family; sometimes the fault is on their end and I must accept this reality and move forward. I remembered her treatment of my husband’s illness and how she cared more about the rights of people she had never met and so, I left her to her own devices and erased her memory. Life requires often painful realizations to move forward, but we must. I will be there for my husband and for those who choose to listen to me, in return.

Sometimes the best person to enjoy a cup of coffee with is yourself. Thanks for listening.

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